Slightly Silly
Aug. 12th, 2003 04:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chickenfeetFor reasons that will be obvious to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cheekbones3 I found myself Googling for "Batley Women's Institute". There was but one result but I reproduce it here for general edification and amusement.
From: Roy Stockdill <roystock@compuserve.com>
Subject: What's On in Yorkshire!!
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 1999 10:28:45 -0500
Dear all
I promised yesterday to keep you informed as to some of the marvellous
cultural and artistic events that we have lined up for visitors for the
coming weeks. Amongst my other roles, I have recently been appointed
on-line representative of the West Yorkshire Tourist Board, and I want to
tell you about some of the exciting events that are happening this month in
God's Own Country. We have a truly mouth-watering feast of happenings lined
up for you lucky tourists. Here are just some of the highlights...
1) Floodlit Yorkshire pudding-mongering and tripe-bashing on ice at the
Alderman Obadiah Flushbucket Municipal Slipper Baths, Cleckheaton.
2) Bishop-shaving-in-the-round at the Josiah Clogferret Memorial Hall,
Heckmondwike.
3) Armadillo-baiting and squirrel-dipping at the Ned Tramwicket Leisure
Centre, Batley.
4) Annual rhubarb-throwing contest on the playing fields at the Lady
Millicent Molestrangler College of Applied Technology and Rabbi-Bleaching,
Sheffield.
5) Lady Amelia Mousepractice will be giving a talk on the mating habits of
the snail-eating pygmies of the Upper Volta at the Brighouse Mothers Union.
6) The following night, the snail-eating pygmies of the Upper Volta will be
giving a talk on the mating habits of Lady Amelia Mousepractice (same
venue).
7) An outdoor exhibition of dentures and artificial limbs worn by famous
people through the ages in the Alderman Obadiah Goatharvest Memorial Park,
Halifax.
8) Lord Tantamount Dogposture will be opening his stately home, Dogposture
Hoo, to the public and there will be special free entrance for children and
senior citizens to the Jeremiah Stoatwarbler Theme Park situated in the
grounds. Readings of Stoatwarbler's most epic poetry on the theme of
borrowing money will be relayed over the loudspeakers.
9) The North of England Regional Goat-Nadgering Championships will be held
on Ilkley Moor (weather and police permitting).
10) The Brighouse and Batley Women's Institute Fan Dance Ensemble will be
holding their annual bring 'n' buy sale on the hard shoulder of the MI
motorway to raise funds for their forthcoming tour of Outer Mongolia.
11) A performance of Hermann von Stoatwarbler's epic Symphony for 49
dustbin lids, 85 cheese graters, 127 tomato ketchup bottles and a mousetrap
will be given by the Massed Pipes and Plungers of the Cleckheaton 17th
Mounted Sanitary Inspectors and the Heckmondwike Over 80s Nudist Chorale in
the disused tram sheds in Dewsbury..
12) And finally, sport.......the Pudsey Gravediggers Mixed Nudist Leapfrog
Team will be playing a seven-a-side goose-fumbling match against the
Bradford Gynaecologists Freestyle Synchronised Swimming Team
at the Elias Spleenfuttock Remembrance Hall, Wakefield.
Must be something for everybody there!!!
Jonas T. Lipmonster
Events Officer
The West Yorkshire Tourist Board
cheekbones3 I found myself Googling for "Batley Women's Institute". There was but one result but I reproduce it here for general edification and amusement.From: Roy Stockdill <roystock@compuserve.com>
Subject: What's On in Yorkshire!!
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 1999 10:28:45 -0500
Dear all
I promised yesterday to keep you informed as to some of the marvellous
cultural and artistic events that we have lined up for visitors for the
coming weeks. Amongst my other roles, I have recently been appointed
on-line representative of the West Yorkshire Tourist Board, and I want to
tell you about some of the exciting events that are happening this month in
God's Own Country. We have a truly mouth-watering feast of happenings lined
up for you lucky tourists. Here are just some of the highlights...
1) Floodlit Yorkshire pudding-mongering and tripe-bashing on ice at the
Alderman Obadiah Flushbucket Municipal Slipper Baths, Cleckheaton.
2) Bishop-shaving-in-the-round at the Josiah Clogferret Memorial Hall,
Heckmondwike.
3) Armadillo-baiting and squirrel-dipping at the Ned Tramwicket Leisure
Centre, Batley.
4) Annual rhubarb-throwing contest on the playing fields at the Lady
Millicent Molestrangler College of Applied Technology and Rabbi-Bleaching,
Sheffield.
5) Lady Amelia Mousepractice will be giving a talk on the mating habits of
the snail-eating pygmies of the Upper Volta at the Brighouse Mothers Union.
6) The following night, the snail-eating pygmies of the Upper Volta will be
giving a talk on the mating habits of Lady Amelia Mousepractice (same
venue).
7) An outdoor exhibition of dentures and artificial limbs worn by famous
people through the ages in the Alderman Obadiah Goatharvest Memorial Park,
Halifax.
8) Lord Tantamount Dogposture will be opening his stately home, Dogposture
Hoo, to the public and there will be special free entrance for children and
senior citizens to the Jeremiah Stoatwarbler Theme Park situated in the
grounds. Readings of Stoatwarbler's most epic poetry on the theme of
borrowing money will be relayed over the loudspeakers.
9) The North of England Regional Goat-Nadgering Championships will be held
on Ilkley Moor (weather and police permitting).
10) The Brighouse and Batley Women's Institute Fan Dance Ensemble will be
holding their annual bring 'n' buy sale on the hard shoulder of the MI
motorway to raise funds for their forthcoming tour of Outer Mongolia.
11) A performance of Hermann von Stoatwarbler's epic Symphony for 49
dustbin lids, 85 cheese graters, 127 tomato ketchup bottles and a mousetrap
will be given by the Massed Pipes and Plungers of the Cleckheaton 17th
Mounted Sanitary Inspectors and the Heckmondwike Over 80s Nudist Chorale in
the disused tram sheds in Dewsbury..
12) And finally, sport.......the Pudsey Gravediggers Mixed Nudist Leapfrog
Team will be playing a seven-a-side goose-fumbling match against the
Bradford Gynaecologists Freestyle Synchronised Swimming Team
at the Elias Spleenfuttock Remembrance Hall, Wakefield.
Must be something for everybody there!!!
Jonas T. Lipmonster
Events Officer
The West Yorkshire Tourist Board
