Ashes to ashes?

I wish the call up of Collingwood and Anderson warmed my split Lancashire/Durham heart more than it does. I can see the logic of dropping Tremlett. He's out of form and not obviously a replacement for Jones. After all, if Freddy and Harmison can't bounce the convicts out, it's not very likely that Tremlett will. Anderson is the same kind of bowler as Jones. On his day he can reverse it but, as I know only too well, his form hasn't been sparkling. 51 wickets at 31.8 in division 2 of the championship is a bit less than awe inspiring. Mind you, listening to the pundits at Lords yesterday talk about recalling Gough or Caddick or even Dominic Cork, makes one realise that this was a pretty tough decision for the selectors. I guess one just has to face the fact that England have three and a half test class seamers and almost a spinner when everyone is fit. It's all rather thin and at least this time no-one can claim they are not available because they are all in Iraq.

So what to do if Jones doesn't emerge from his oxygen chamber or whatever the team witch doctors have him in? I'd play Collingwood. It's the negative option. It makes it less likely that England can bowl out the convicts twice but it also materially diminishes the chance that they can do England twice. And this time a draw is enough.

Plus, the 200th anniversary of Trafalgar approaches and no Nelson has ever played for England (though two first class cricketers of that name were killed in action in the world wars) so a Collingwood will have to do. After all, one made a pretty good last minute replacement on that bloody day.

A Modest Proposal

At an unusually early hour this morning I found myself trolling the right wing depths of the blogosphere for an alternative view of the new orleans situation than that provided by my commie-pinko friends list. I have seen the light.

Firstly it seems that the anti-social behaviour observed in New Orleans this last week was precipitated by the molly coddling the poor have received from the various subversive elements that have run New Orleans and Louisiana in recent years. They now have no sense of honour and responsibility as can readily be seen by their undisciplined procuring of food and drink when any properly responsible and God fearing citizen would have starved in the approved manner. The reason for this, it appears, is that Louisiana is soft on crime. Specifically there are not nearly enough custodial sentences. My mentor has a point. At any one time only a minority of black American males are in prison and some go a whole lifetime without being incarcerated. The situation among females is even worse. True, ten times as many black women (proportionately) go to jail as whites but it's still a wholly inadequate number. If true discipline is to be restored all blacks must be imprisoned and made to do socially redeeming labour (for that way it will be self-financing thus saving the inmates from the soul destroying cancer of being dependent on government hand outs as well, providentially, as freeing up funds for more worthy causes such as invading small oil rich countries). Now my mentor appears to think that ordinary jails and state penitentiaries will suffice for this purpose but I think he is perhaps naive about the degree to which this bold initiative will be misrepresented by Liberal Media and Establishment. Some cosmetic packaging is surely justifiable when one is so manifestly doing the Lord's Work so I modestly propose that these new establishments should be known as "plantations". I think that sets the right, friendly, rural tone. It may reasonably be argued that most of the expertise in running such establishments has been lost in this decadent, atheistic age but I feel sure that there are plenty of appropriately experienced white South Africans of impeccable political and religious view who would welcome the chance to come to a truly progressive and forward thinking country. After all, why should expertise with a sjambok not qualify one for an H-1 visa?

Secondly, I learn that the hurricane was an Act of God such as the Lord brought down on the Cities of the Plain (another suspiciously low lying area). I'm having more trouble with this one. It's not that I don't think that the Lord shouldn't smite The Ungodly. Let's face it, what's the point in taking a couple of hours out of your Sunday morning plus all those bake sales if The Ungodly aren't going to get smitten occasionally? The trouble is there just doesn't seem to be a whole lot of consistency in it. Well maybe that's not true. Come to think of it it always seems to be the poor that get smitten. Maybe they go to the wrong church or something. Maybe it's the God they worship at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Rich Folks that's doing the smiting? Maybe He just isn't dead keen on spirituals? Then there's the bit about passing a camel (the SUV of 1st century Palestine?) through the eye of a needle. Obviously I'm missing something here. Perhaps I've just been corrupted by CNN and Fox and the rest of the Liberal Media?

Maybe I'll find enlightenment on the road to Damascus, assuming that Syria is next on the hit list.

You can blame glitterboy1 for this

I'd like to dedicate this meme result to my next door neighbour during my first year at Collingwood, the lovely and talented Christine Papa, née Whittemore, Her first words on entering the study bedroom of her callow mathematician neighbour were a rather astonished "So you read books!".

( That English lit meme )