A Modest Proposal

[chickenfeet]

At an unusually early hour this morning I found myself trolling the right wing depths of the blogosphere for an alternative view of the new orleans situation than that provided by my commie-pinko friends list. I have seen the light.

Firstly it seems that the anti-social behaviour observed in New Orleans this last week was precipitated by the molly coddling the poor have received from the various subversive elements that have run New Orleans and Louisiana in recent years. They now have no sense of honour and responsibility as can readily be seen by their undisciplined procuring of food and drink when any properly responsible and God fearing citizen would have starved in the approved manner. The reason for this, it appears, is that Louisiana is soft on crime. Specifically there are not nearly enough custodial sentences. My mentor has a point. At any one time only a minority of black American males are in prison and some go a whole lifetime without being incarcerated. The situation among females is even worse. True, ten times as many black women (proportionately) go to jail as whites but it's still a wholly inadequate number. If true discipline is to be restored all blacks must be imprisoned and made to do socially redeeming labour (for that way it will be self-financing thus saving the inmates from the soul destroying cancer of being dependent on government hand outs as well, providentially, as freeing up funds for more worthy causes such as invading small oil rich countries). Now my mentor appears to think that ordinary jails and state penitentiaries will suffice for this purpose but I think he is perhaps naive about the degree to which this bold initiative will be misrepresented by Liberal Media and Establishment. Some cosmetic packaging is surely justifiable when one is so manifestly doing the Lord's Work so I modestly propose that these new establishments should be known as "plantations". I think that sets the right, friendly, rural tone. It may reasonably be argued that most of the expertise in running such establishments has been lost in this decadent, atheistic age but I feel sure that there are plenty of appropriately experienced white South Africans of impeccable political and religious view who would welcome the chance to come to a truly progressive and forward thinking country. After all, why should expertise with a sjambok not qualify one for an H-1 visa?

Secondly, I learn that the hurricane was an Act of God such as the Lord brought down on the Cities of the Plain (another suspiciously low lying area). I'm having more trouble with this one. It's not that I don't think that the Lord shouldn't smite The Ungodly. Let's face it, what's the point in taking a couple of hours out of your Sunday morning plus all those bake sales if The Ungodly aren't going to get smitten occasionally? The trouble is there just doesn't seem to be a whole lot of consistency in it. Well maybe that's not true. Come to think of it it always seems to be the poor that get smitten. Maybe they go to the wrong church or something. Maybe it's the God they worship at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Rich Folks that's doing the smiting? Maybe He just isn't dead keen on spirituals? Then there's the bit about passing a camel (the SUV of 1st century Palestine?) through the eye of a needle. Obviously I'm missing something here. Perhaps I've just been corrupted by CNN and Fox and the rest of the Liberal Media?

Maybe I'll find enlightenment on the road to Damascus, assuming that Syria is next on the hit list.

Comments

[rahael.livejournal.com]

Yep, a wander through right-wing plains, and indeed libertarian plains is indeed enlightning.

Comments about certain sections of American society by other sections made me very very very angry. Your post captures the tone perfectly!!

[chickenfeet2003.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

I'm always struck by how, for ideologues, when their policies obviously aren't working what is needed is more of them. The states with the toughest sentencing regimes have the most crime. Obviously the sentences aren't tough enough! This, of course, isn't a uniquely American problem. Anyone who lived in Thatcher's Britain knows that and I don't think Blair is much different.

[lemur-man.livejournal.com]

Obviously the sentences aren't tough enough! This, of course, isn't a uniquely American problem. Anyone who lived in Thatcher's Britain knows that

Moreover, arrests should be carried out before any crimes have even been committed!

[frankie-ecap.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I didn't think that anything about this appalling and tragic mess could make me smile, but this has done.

[chickenfeet2003.livejournal.com]

I often find that satire is the only thing that makes the intolerable remotely bearable. I watched the Not The Nine O'Clock News "Constable Savage" sketch again the other night and laughed like a drain. The punchline is priceless, "I won't tolerate your sort of mindless racist scum on this force! I'm transferring you to the SPG"

[lemur-man.livejournal.com]

Watched it, you say? Is it on DVD?

'Wearing a loud shirt in a built-up area ...'

[chickenfeet2003.livejournal.com]

I have three episodes in VCD format that I found somewhere on Usenet.

"Urinating in a public convenience"

At least the three episodes also included "Gerald the Gorilla"

[bopeepsheep.livejournal.com]

It is: two volumes (http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/search-handle-form/026-0952046-9469210), at present, which I think are a repackaging of the two videos I have. Whether the tapes exist to create a complete boxed set, who can say.

[chickenfeet2003.livejournal.com]

though not NTSC I suspect

[bopeepsheep.livejournal.com]

No, I suspect R2 only. But region-free players and multi-region hacks do exist in North America - the player does the PAL-NTSC conversion, so it's not the 'NTSC' part that matters but the region encoding. I can play R1 discs on my PAL-only TV (although we also have one that can cope with NTSC). I suspect that they're not as common or as cheap as multi-region or region-free machines are over here, though.

[frankie-ecap.livejournal.com]

What you said. Thank you, again for the first smile and for the second that this has brought me.

[nanila]

A most amusing Swiftian tribute, sir, thank you.

[meirion.livejournal.com]

Let's face it, what's the point in taking a couple of hours out of your Sunday morning plus all those bake sales if The Ungodly aren't going to get smitten occasionally?

....

if i thought that were a likely end result of my going to Mass of a Sunday, i wouldn't go.

smiting doesn't come into it. whether we love our neighbours as much as we ought to does. whether i'm failing to love my neighbour enough by not volunteering to help in NO (no matter that they'd reject my help anyway) is a matter between me and my spiritual director (and i'm guessing the answer to be "no" here, actually).

-m-

[chickenfeet2003.livejournal.com]

But your lot aren't proper Christians. You don't have your own TV show and some of you even use public transport.

[ironed_orchid]

I feel sure that there are plenty of appropriately experienced white South Africans of impeccable political and religious view who would welcome the chance to come to a truly progressive and forward thinking country

It's your attention to detail that really impresses me.

[jen-c-w.livejournal.com]

:(

Oh dear. This isn't about my blog is it...?
Incidentally, Damascene, is it a word? I talked about Clarke's damascene conversion to the anti-euro side, and was told that damascene means covered in wavy patterns.
Incidentally, mathmetatics, really? I'd have gone for politics, then history, then english lit, then classics...maths would have been a long way down the list.
re white south africans, I prefer them coming to England thks. x

[chickenfeet2003.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. This isn't about my blog is it...?

Good heavens no! Vile and repulsive as your blog may be it doesn't begin to plumb the depths I experienced yesterday. (and that's me kidding too, just in case there was any doubt).

I think "Damascene" is OK to use as generally 'Of Damascus" despite it's more specialised meaning. One can talk about a Jersey cow without people assuming she's wearing a woollie.

Once upon a time I was indeed a mathematician. I even considered doing a PhD on generalizations of Markov field theory beyond two dimensions.

[jen-c-w.livejournal.com]

goodness. In that case you are one of those most dangerous of species, a scientist with an arts hankering. I harbour a long time (and periodically heartbreaking) love for one of those. I think it's the combination of the startling brain that scientists have (goodness, that's amazing) plus they have the articulacy to explain what they're doing, and are itnerested in good things.

[chickenfeet2003.livejournal.com]

I know. I was born in the wrong era. I should have been Sir Philip Sidney or something. Then I could wear one of those cool cloak, hose and doublet outfits and the chicks would fall at my feet. On second thoughts, Sidney was dead long before he reached my age and I still can't figure out why he was fighting Albanians at Zutphen.

[lemur-catta.livejournal.com]

Awww..wear the doublet and hose anyway!*swoon*

[rufus.livejournal.com]

er. hi. i'm wandering friends of friends lists. this post was interesting. I have only one comment: Fox is the leading conservative mouthpiece. (or maybe you found something to the *right* of Fox News? In which case: eeek!)

[lemur-man.livejournal.com]

I'm almost tempted to see what the Randian objectivists are saying. Probably that those who remained in New Orleans were weak and that helping them is futile collectivist nonsense.