Angsty post of doom

[chickenfeet]

One of the worst things about me is that I when I most need energy and optimism, I don't have it. When things aren't going well, I tend to get depressed and, for me, depression manifests itself in "hide under the covers" syndrome allied to "acute telephone phobia syndrome". Both of these in turn cause me to procrastinate. So, at times like the present, when I desperately need to be working my contacts to drum up some business or a job, I can't. The physical effort needed to pick up the phone and call someone is just overwhelming.

This probably just sounds silly to anyone who doesn't suffer from depression but for me it's been part of my life for over ten years and I hate it.

Comments

[lnr]

I know exactly what you mean. Though I don't have any real ideas on helping. Beyond concentrating on the good bits of the rest of life and letting that help build up your resistance, so to speak. Good luck.

[geneticallydead.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I know that. I'm having a blankie day myself.

Bleh.

[jez-e-bel.livejournal.com]

know the feeling well... too well... it's like a never ending loop and you just can't get out... what triggers an end to it for you? find forcing some sort of positive action usually jerks me out of it...

[ironed_orchid]

It doesn't sound silly. I hope it gets better. And in the meantime there's kittens.

[chickenfeet2003.livejournal.com]

I know it sounds stupid but it takes the pleasure out of everything. I can't even enjoy the kittens. I'm playing rugby tonight and all I can hear in my mind is a Marvin-like voice saying how much I'll hate it.

[ironed_orchid]

That doesn't sound stupid, it sounds like an accurate description of a certain state of mind.

[ceruleanblue3.livejournal.com]

Yup, that sounds familiar. Not fun, not at all.

[ginny-t.livejournal.com]

Not stupid. Too real. I get similar feelings. I hope it gets better for you soon!

[frumiousb.livejournal.com]

I know exactly what you mean, and I am particularly that way with phone calls and paperwork. Unfun.

[poppycat.livejournal.com]

I get exactly the same way though I have the added joy of flinching to the point of seizure if the phone rings. I guess my house is really quiet for the most part just so I can retain my sanity. This is where people who accept resumes by email are gods amongst men!

[cassandre.livejournal.com]

{{{{{{{{chickenfeet}}}}}}}}

To me, too, this state of mind sounds uncannily familiar. Poor you. I wouldn't worry about the phone calls for now; I would do something self-indulgent and concentrate on making yourself feel better.

It's reassuring to see that even in a depressed state, you can make silly BDSM jokes.

hiding under the covers from the telephone

[purplesofa.livejournal.com]

OMG even you get this?! I thought you were too competent and experienced and mature a consultant to get ATPS. Damn, where's that pedestal gone? :->

I have this problem in spades. Marketing oneself is hell. Thus I stay in permanent jobs, and use agencies, and apply to civil service jobs where they have to advertise in the paper. It's worked well, but my sister is stuck unemployed, also due to ATPS.

My sympathy, my empathy, and no idea what to do to conquer it. I sent my sister out to research counselling options, but no news yet.

[frankie-ecap.livejournal.com]

Sympathy, understand and empathise.

Really dumb question & none of my business, but are you getting proper help for this? I find medication and / or talking to people does help, albeit slowly, and I do get some comfort from being in the system because I can remind myself that it has worked before.

Small things that help for me: talking, exercise, prayer, cats. I think you're actually doing all these things, though.

[chickenfeet2003.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

I'm on ADs, have been for about ten years. Counselling is not an option. It's an uninsured service and the budget won't cover it right now. I'm sticking with the exercise and cats. I should meditate more too. Prayer isn't really an option for a dyed-in-the-wool atheist.

[frankie-ecap.livejournal.com]

I think prayer and meditation are kind-of the same at that level.

Medication has always worked for me so far, although sometimes they have to fiddle around with the dosage.

Journalling is also good, even when I end up writing incoherent stuff like help-help-help. It releases a pressure-valve somehow.

Cats deeply therapeutic, especially kits. Spend as much time with the kits as you possibly can.

[divafu.livejournal.com]

would st. john's wort(sp?) help?

::e-hugs::

[j4.livejournal.com]

Got here via lnr -- hope you don't mind me commenting. What you're saying doesn't sound silly at all to me (but then I do suffer from depression, likewise have done for over 10 years).

It is a struggle, and no, it's not fair that for some people it should be a struggle while for others it just seems "silly" that there should be any problem... but life's not fair. *shrug* Doesn't make the problem any less if you do feel it.

So I've decided that it's something I'll just have to keep fighting, because I'm b*ggered if I'm going to just lie down and do nothing and let it kick me to death. I didn't ask to get this crappy illness, and I don't have to take it lying down. So my strategy -- for what it's worth -- is basically just willing myself every day to do just one thing, even if it's something small, to break the can't-do-anything feeling. And some days it feels like those dreams where you're trying to run or fight or something but you feel like you're running through treacle, or when you fight you feel like you're fighting underwater ... do you get those dreams? I used to write "to-do" lists that started with "get up", so if I got as far as getting out of bed I could tick one thing off the list. Like most things, sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn't... but it's better than nothing.

Fortunately my job is the kind of thing where so long as I can drag my butt into the office it doesn't really matter if I'm less productive some days so long as I can make it up on other days... it helps in some ways, because I have to get out of bed and get to work even if I feel like death on toast -- I've convinced myself that that bit is non-negotiable -- and once I'm up and doing something where I have to see other people, the chances of me managing to do something else are higher. If your job relies on making phone calls all the time just to get business then I'm impressed you can do it at all -- even when I'm at my best, phone-calls stress me out, there's no way I could do something that needed me to be that pro-active. So go you! :-) You're doing more than a lot of people could manage.

And no, I'm not naturally optimistic. And I'm a bit of a mess. But I'm also bloody stubborn. :-) Good luck & keep fighting!

[chickenfeet2003.livejournal.com]

No problem withthe comments. Thanks. And your LJ bio made me laugh.