Insults

[chickenfeet]

[Poll #929929]

Comments

[rhythmaning.livejournal.com]

Is there anyone in particular who you are planning on insulting?

With a bit more background, I am sure your f-list could come up with something suitable.

[knirirr.livejournal.com]

How about:
"Pox on you for a fop, your stomach too queasy. Cannot I belch and fart, you coxcomb, to ease me? What if I let fly in your face and shall please ye?"
Origin here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_compositions_by_Henry_Purcell#Catches).

[lemur-catta.livejournal.com]

We actually have the recording of that one. Many catches might be a good source of insults generally..

[knirirr.livejournal.com]

Which recording do you have? I wonder if it is the same as mine (Baltimore Consort).

[chickenfeet2003.livejournal.com]

That's the one

[lemur-catta.livejournal.com]

Sounds right. I think the collection was called Bawdy Ballads. The catch in question included more realistic sound effects than I might have preferred :P

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

"Not while there are still dogs in the street."

[arcana-mundi.livejournal.com]

o_O

[psychochicken.livejournal.com]

One of my personal favorites - I concocted this about a particularly short, obnoxious and ugly ex-project manager:

"somewhere in the English countryside, there's a bridge with no border controls"

[lakme.livejournal.com]

I've always been fond of 'so stupid he couldn't find his own ass with both hands and a flashlight" myself :)

[poppycat.livejournal.com]

The best I ever heard was after being forced to watch an episode of big brother. You would have to be gay or a woman to use it but it made me choke laughing.

"I wouldn't go down on you if I were drowning and your balls were filled with oxygen."

[kittenexploring.livejournal.com]

In school, back in the day, there was a computer on which someone had written a program to generate insults at random. It put the insults together from a list of one.

Bah humbug! Your father eats leeks!

[a-d-medievalist.livejournal.com]

I guess it all depends on the reason for the insult. I've always liked "dumber than a bag of hammers/rocks".

[albionwood.livejournal.com]

"Couldn't figure out how to pour piss out of a boot, if the instructions were written on the heel."

But really, my all-time favorite is a long story from A Treasury of American Folklore by B. A. Botkin. Probably too long to recount here, it is a campfire-tale that ends in a magnificent insult of Texans.